Are you getting tired of the standard silly do something unhealthy and then run a lap challenge?  Have you gotten used to the "magical" sensation of drinking a root beer or eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut and then running a lap?  Well folks!  Have we got an event for you!  It's called the Phillips Laxative workout!  The name says it all!  Participants are simply required to drink an entire bottle of wild-cherry Phillips laxative and run a 400 in 65.  That's all there is to it!  Sounds like fun huh?  If it doesn't sound like fun to you, maybe comments from previous competitors will change your health-conscious mind!

Jackie Jackson ('07 Champion, PR 12 bottle-laps) said:

"This event really brings the community together yet tears my insides apart!"

Bobby McO'Smith (2 time All-American in this event, PR 10 bottle-laps) said:

"After 6 bottle-laps, when your pants get pretty heavy, your actually giving your legs some weight resistance training in the process!"  

Sharon Watterbottles ('08 runner up, PR 10 bottle-laps) said:

"When I was done, I had no time to walk all the way to the restroom, so I just let go in the Steeplechase pit.  They had a meet the following day at this track and, thanks to me, they didn't have to waste time filling it up with water for the competitors!"

Now how could you pass up an opportunity to do something horrible to your health like this?  Seems as though avid runners have gotten into these kinds of workout/eatout events nowadays!   But the Phillips Laxitive Workout takes it to the next level!  So join me and a bunch of other whack-jobs who like to do this shit this April 31st at 2:61 PM at Hayward Field.  I won't be drinking any laxitives before I run my laps.  Why not?  BECAUSE I DON'T FRICKIN NEED TO DO SO SINCE MY 400 PR IS SO DAMN SLOW ANYWAY!  Restrooms will fortunately be provided......WAIT! They never unlock the damn restrooms at Hayward Field!!!!  In that case restrooms will unfortunately NOT be provided so be prepared for colon explosions!  See ya there! :-P