Position Description:
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Custodial Substitutes Needed for us to jack off with for 2015-16 School Year Please do not apply if you have done so previously and then had your sorry ass hired and dumped by us
You must waste your time reviewing and updating your employment application before applying for this position: · Read the job posting information before applying so you're down with our retarded politics. Each job posting has specific requirements which we actually don't give a shit about and are detailed for no goddamn reason to ensure that the specifications are met. · Our disorganized Human Resource Department ding-dongs are responsible for all job interview and posting information. Please do not contact the incompetent school/site administrators directly · Though we regret that this District is unable to get their shit in order, we never-the-less do not consider applicants on time-limited visa status for this position. The District will not now or in the future ever take its hand off its cock and sponsor an applicant or employee to obtain, extend, or renew authorization to work in the United States. · Changes to your address, email and phone numbers are much more likely to occur than changes to our dick-headed hiring schemes · References, which we honestly don't give shit about, must include professional references such as a principal, supervisor(s), or other dickhead employers like us who regularly jack themselves off to sexy hiring politics porno etc. Friends, peers and/or relatives are also not considered good enough references to distract us from ripping applicants for this position off · If you are indicating that you have a college degree on your online application, that won't mean worthless shit either. You will be required to waste your time providing official sealed transcripts to us upon your fake and phony hire. · A Social Security card, though useless to us, will be required as an employer upon hire. Please visit the Social Security Office to order a new card in preparation of us morons wasting your valuable time doing so, if needed. · Veteran Preference – Upon application, veterans at being suckers to other pussy dickless employers like us and answer “yes” to the question(s) regarding this, should include this information in the Work Experience section of the online application so that we may give you utmost priority for hire · Check your email regularly, as our Human Resource staff dopes will communicate via your email that they didn't really need you even though they hired you in the first place
JOB DUTIES
This butt-prick district is hiring day and evening custodians for an entry level position they seriously "can't count on" that has shitty potential to turn into a full-time Custodian I position.
The custodial substitute sucker we hire to jack us off will be responsible for using cheap-ass equipment to scrub our facility’s shiny white asses for students, staff and the public (all of whom won’t notice the shit you clean anyway) and assist with pointless and redundant furniture arrangements for meetings, classroom activities and events. Clean assigned school facilities and identify necessary repairs due to vandalism which mostly consists of graffiti that you really don’t need to waste your damn time cleaning off, equipment breakage that should not freaking happen but does, and other reasons (e.g. little student cluck-pricks who put USED toilet paper in those stupid-ass female restroom tampon boxes and therefore that toilet paper has GODDAMN SHIT ON IT PEOPLE!!!!!!).
Qualified applicants will be completely oblivious to the fact that we are yet another school district with the rock-hard dick of hiring politics stuck in its mouth. Qualifications of a much lesser importance include having a High School Diploma or equivalent; and job related experience, which actually doesn’t mean a heaping pile of cow shit to us. Frequent sucking of our 50 pound wieners, and any climbing, balancing, stooping, kneeling and crouching necessary to do so are required. You must have good communication skills, work well with others and have a proven record of responsibility. In other words, YOU MUST NOT BE LIKE US!!! Applicant must be able to pass a physical examination, have a valid driver's license, and be completely unaware of the fact that unfair hiring schemes are the Viagra that drives this district’s hot, steamy sex-affair with politics Hourly Rate: $13.28……..AT LEAST UNTIL WE DECREASE THAT SHIT!!!!
Hours: Day shifts available. Evening shifts are 2:30 pm - 11:00 pm or possibly 2:15 to 10:45 pm or possibly 2:08 to 10:38 pm cause telling our employees a set shift time aint kosher to us
To review the completely deceptive job description from us dildos before applying click HERE
PRINT THIS POSTING FOR YOUR RECORDS
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Community Description:
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Nestled between the Cascade Mountains and the Pacific Ocean, and just seven miles from downtown Portland, Beaverton is an ideal place to live, work, play and sit on your ass at red lights. Oregon’s fifth largest city is a thriving community with rich cultural, recreational, and opportunities to get stuck in shit traffic. Residents enjoy a diverse array of crowded intersections which are a shame to this city’s downtown street reconstruction in the early 1980’s
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EEO and ADA information:
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The Beaverton School District and its pansy-ass deception and dickheadery complies with applicable employment discrimination laws, including ORS Ch. 659, Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Title IX of the Educational Amendments of 1972, the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Age Discrimination in Employment Act. We however refuse to comply with common sense and respect for credibility and references our applicants for our jobs worked so freaking hard to attain.
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