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'Tis about freaking time for an X-Mas Blog From EMPB28!
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Here it is folks! What better way is there to celebrate Christmas 2010 than with the first EVER Christmas blog from your good ol' unnecessarily violent blogger EMPB28? Well maybe shoving a life-size candy canes up the U of O parking adminstrator's ass so far that he or she is shitting peppermint well into 2011. But, strangely enough, I decided to parody everybody's favorite childhood Christmas poem instead. Below lies a magical mystical tale of ball sack chopping and man weiner slicing and burning which only yours turly could create. So gather round yee merry Runnerspacers and enjoy EMPB28's special way of bringing out the Christmas spirit in you all. Yeah, it's overly violent and vulgar. WHAT THE HELL ELSE DID YOU EXPECT OUT OF ME FOR A CHRISTMAS BLOG!!! Anyway, grab some hot choclate, sit around the fire (Which hopefully has John Mayer's head serving as a yule log) and enjoy this holly, jolly, gory, bloody special EMPB28 Christmas blog................. Twas' the Night Before Christmas.....................that the Asshole Who Created YouTube Ads will NEVER Forget! Twas the Night before Christmas In the house of the prick Who put video ads on YouTube Of which the whole damn world is sick And as he and his wife Got ready to do it One of the house's windows did open And EMPB28 crawled through it With a blowtorch fully charged And a hunting knife in carry Intended to teach this douche bag a lesson By shredding and burning his balls so hairy For when EMPB28 watches YouTube Vids To what should his eyes appear? Some dumb-ass car ad For the latest brand of Cavalier When all he damn wanted Was vids of Taylor Swift nude He had to pointlessly sit through This stupid ad on You Tube But on this Christmas Eve Justice will be served When EMPB28 blowtorches This moron's testicular nerves Off into this jack-off's house EMPB28 went with a flash Found this ass-licker and proceeded To chop his private parts into hash And as this moron in pain Did loudly wail and screech EMPB 28 let out A demeaning, sadistic speech “Now dickhead, now asshole, now you You Tube ruining bastard!” “My You-Tube based sexual gratification gets disrupted by your adverts!” “From the top your 3-inch long dick” “To bottom of your 60 cubic centimeter balls!” “I shall hack away and slice away and incinerate away all!” When suddenly from down this asswipe’s chimney Came Jolly Ol’ St Nick Who, was also pissed about You Tube Ads And too longed to cut off this moron’s dick Santa barged into the bedroom And looked at EMPB28 And yelled, “Why the hell did you start without me you asshole?!” To which EMPB28 replied, “Some of his scrotum sack remain unscathed, so don’t worry you’re not too late” “Whew” replied Santa As he reached in his bag of toys He pulled out a hedge trimmer and said “Time for some good ol’ Christmas fun boys!” He then shredded up What little remained Of this evil You-Tube vid advertisers’ man sex parts The blood of which, his bed sheets did now stain And as a final act of redemption For uploading ads we can’t by pass EMPB28 and Santa shoved A lightning rod sky high up his ass And now this mutual vengeance Was fulfilled more than ample For both EMPB28 and St. Nick Had, on this night, set a clear example But EMPB28 However Had one more Christmas idea To grind Jason Mraz’s sucky-music making balls off With an electric sander bought from IKEA Santa excitedly said “Hey man, I’d love to teach that guy a lesson” “I’ve wanted to blow that girly voiced moron’s nuts off” “With my new Smith and Wesson” So off EMPB28 and Kris Kringle Did fly into the night To hopefully get that horrible singer Within ball-sack busting sight And so thus ends This sadistic Christmas poem spoof Unless you’ve pissed EMPB28 or Santa off Don’t be scared when he lands on your roof If you’re the UW meet Organizer, Colbie Caillait, or others who have done so however You’ll be pleading for a lump of coal When your ball sack open Santa does sever And so you’ve been warned Of this new alterior motive for Santa’s flight So Merry Christmas to all And to all a good night…………………………WITH THE UNBIASED AND EXPLICIT EXCEPTION OF THE BASTARD WHO PUT ADS IN FRONT OF YOU TUBE VIDS OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!XD |