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Hey RS'ers! Need a job? Then why not whack off the Beaverton School District?! :P

Published by
empb28   Sep 18th 2015, 6:06pm
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Are any of you Runnerspacers out there unemployed?  Do you need a job you SHOULD be able to count on but can't?  Are you about to have a heart attack from an over 4 year lack of  vulgar, angry blogs by empb28?   Well what you see below will save you from both the lack of a job and cardiac arrest land!   The Beaverton School District is hiring people for custodian substitute jobs!......and then telling them they can't count on the position!........and they don't even have any idea that they're being a bunch of gay-ass retarded prickholes when they do that!.......and these dopes are responsible for education the youth of the city of Beaverton and various surrounding unicorporated areas!   But this district recently took a small, minute step the size of WLWVSD's Facilities Manager's flabby cock in the direction of honesty and compotence recently!  The Beaverton School DOPEHEADS re-worded and re-worked the information that they put in the posting for this job on th employment section of their website.  And I decided to present this much more HONEST and TRUTHFUL job posting as the end to my 4-year drought with out venting my rage on this website.   So read this job psting CAREFULLY my fellow Runnerspacers.  Take advantage of this opportunity as soon as possible!  Don't miss this opportunity to have you ass jacked off by the BSD and not get paid cold hard shit for it!  APPLY NOW!!!!!! :P

CL 3084 Custodial Substitutes

Custodial Services

BEAVERTON Shithole District 48J

Reference ID: CL3084

Reference URL: www.beavertonshitholedistrict69.k12.or.us

 

Position Information

Application Deadline Date:

Open until filled with some sucker who can blow our cocks off for nothing

Start Date:

ASAP

Position Description:

                                  


 

Custodial Substitutes Needed for us to jack off with for 2015-16 School Year


Please do not apply if you have done so previously and then had your sorry ass hired and dumped by us


You must waste your time reviewing and updating  your employment application before applying for this position:
 
·         Read the job posting information before applying so you're down with our retarded politics. Each job posting has specific requirements which we actually don't give a shit about and are detailed for no goddamn reason to ensure that the specifications are met.  
 
·         Our disorganized Human Resource Department ding-dongs are responsible for all job interview and posting information. Please do not contact the incompetent school/site administrators directly 
 
·         Though we regret that this District is unable to get their shit in order, we never-the-less do not consider applicants on time-limited visa status for this position. The District will not now or in the future ever take its hand off its cock and sponsor  an applicant or employee to obtain, extend, or renew authorization to work in the United States. 
 
·         Changes to your address, email and phone numbers are much more likely to occur than changes to our dick-headed hiring schemes
 
·         References, which we honestly don't give shit about, must include professional references such as a principal, supervisor(s), or other dickhead employers like us who regularly jack themselves off  to sexy hiring politics porno etc.  Friends, peers and/or relatives are also not considered good enough references to distract us from ripping applicants for this position off
 
·         If you are indicating that you have a college degree on your online application, that won't mean worthless shit either.  You will be required to waste your time providing official sealed transcripts to us upon your fake and phony hire. 
 
·         A Social Security card, though useless to us, will be required as an employer upon hire. Please visit the Social Security Office to order a new card in preparation of us morons wasting your valuable time doing so, if needed.
 
·         Veteran Preference – Upon application, veterans at being suckers to other pussy dickless employers like us and answer “yes” to the question(s) regarding this, should include this information in the Work Experience section of the online application so that we may give you utmost priority for hire
    
·         Check your email regularly, as our Human Resource staff dopes will communicate via your email that they didn't really need you even though they hired  you in the first place
 




JOB DUTIES

 

This butt-prick district is hiring day and evening custodians for an entry level position they seriously "can't count on" that has shitty potential to turn into a full-time Custodian I position.  

 

 

The custodial substitute sucker we hire to jack us off will be responsible for using cheap-ass equipment to scrub our facility’s shiny white asses for students, staff and the public (all of whom won’t notice the shit you clean anyway) and assist with pointless and redundant furniture arrangements for meetings, classroom activities and events.  Clean assigned school facilities and identify necessary repairs due to vandalism which mostly consists of graffiti that you really don’t need to waste your damn time cleaning off, equipment breakage that should not freaking happen but does, and other reasons (e.g. little student cluck-pricks who put USED toilet paper in those stupid-ass female restroom tampon boxes and therefore that toilet paper has GODDAMN SHIT ON IT PEOPLE!!!!!!).

 


 
Qualified applicants will be completely oblivious to the fact that we are yet another school district with the rock-hard dick of hiring politics stuck in its mouth.  Qualifications of a much lesser importance include having a High School Diploma or equivalent; and job related experience, which actually doesn’t mean a heaping pile of cow shit to us. Frequent sucking of our 50 pound wieners, and any climbing, balancing, stooping, kneeling and crouching necessary to do so are required.  You must have good communication skills, work well with others and have a proven record of responsibility.  In other words,  YOU MUST NOT BE LIKE US!!!
 

Applicant must be able to pass a physical examination, have a valid driver's license, and be completely unaware of  the fact that unfair hiring schemes are the Viagra that drives this district’s hot, steamy sex-affair with politics


 

Hourly Rate:  $13.28……..AT LEAST UNTIL WE DECREASE THAT SHIT!!!!

 

Hours:   Day shifts available.   Evening shifts are  2:30 pm - 11:00 pm or possibly 2:15 to 10:45 pm or possibly 2:08 to 10:38 pm cause telling our employees a set shift time aint kosher to us

 

To review the completely deceptive job description from us dildos before applying click HERE

 

 


 PRINT THIS POSTING FOR YOUR RECORDS
 

Schedule:

Substitutes who are not needed even though they’re freaking told that

Positions Available:

Multiple even though they’re already goddamn filled

FTE (if part-time):

0, zip, zilch, nad-uh whoops!  We mean 1.0

Duration:

 

Hours Per Day:

 

Days Per Week:

 

Salary Range From:

$13.28 /hr

Salary Range To:

$0 /hr once we break the news of our gay-ass, butt-monkey hiring politics to you

 

Qualifications Desired

Special Requirement(s):

 

Education/Degree(s):

 

Skills/Specialties:

 

Documents Needed to Apply:

 

 

Community and Employer Information

Employer Statistics:

 

Employer Website:

www.beavertondirtydeceptiveshitholedistrict.k12.or.us

Community Description:

Nestled between the Cascade Mountains and the Pacific Ocean, and just seven miles from downtown Portland, Beaverton is an ideal place to live, work, play and sit on your ass at red lights. Oregon’s fifth largest city is a thriving community with rich cultural, recreational, and opportunities to get stuck in shit traffic. Residents enjoy a diverse array of crowded intersections which are a shame to this city’s downtown street reconstruction in the early 1980’s

EEO and ADA information:

The Beaverton School District and its pansy-ass deception and dickheadery complies with applicable employment discrimination laws, including ORS Ch. 659, Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Title IX of the Educational Amendments of 1972, the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Age Discrimination in Employment Act.  We however refuse to comply with common sense and respect for credibility and references our applicants for our jobs worked so freaking hard to attain. 

 

How to Apply

Application Method(s):

Visit our district website

Materials Required:

 

Local Contact:

CRAP-ified Human Resources
16550 SW Merlo Road
Beaverton, Oregon 97006
Work Phone: 
classified_jobs@beaverton.we.are.a.bunch.of.goddamn.losers.k12.or.us

 

 

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